It's nearly 1 in the morning, but sleep is nowhere to be found and my mind is a jumbled mess of emotions, fears, and anxieties.
This is not the first night, and it surely will not be the last night of restlessness.
Pre-Warning: what I am writing may not be the happiest or most beautiful of blogs that I have shared, but it will most assuredly is one of the most real.
I struggle, and I struggle a lot.
Feelings of anxiety creep up and take over my mind quicker than I have a chance to shove them away.
Even as I am writing this, I am restraining the urge to burst into tears. These feelings of sadness are not as uncommon as I wish they were.
feelings of loneliness creep in even when I am surrounded by those I love and care about.
I struggle with trust. I do not trust people to be there for me, ever. In fact, I can count the number people I genuinely trust on one hand.
I worry about things that are in the distant future- and I often dwell on things that are in the distant past.
I think about the things I am doing wrong, and the ways I should be better.
I thrive in organization yet my mind is a battlefield of constant chaos.
I truly believe that I have so much to be thankful for (and I am so incredibly thankful) and live a beautiful life that has been filled with so much blessing and an abundance of adventure. I am, most of the time, a genuinely a very happy Yet even still, the feelings come.
I often hide behind the mask of a smile. I act as though nothing is wrong when the truth is all of these things are eating me up inside.
I am not trying to discourage any of you out or make you feel sorry for me, But I know I am not the only one who feels like this at times. This mental struggle is real and if even just seeing that someone else is in the same boat helps, then I have accomplished something good here. All of your feelings are valid and real and you should never feel ashamed of them.
So, if you are like me tonight, and rest is from you, rest in this- There is purpose to your life. You were put on this earth for a reason and though times can get rocky and life is often a struggle, these are the moments that are going to make you a stronger and better person. And lastly, and most importantly, you have a heavenly father that loves you so very much a will be that person you can always trust and rely on, he your strength in your moments of weakness, just as he always is for me.